Hope Deferred

Yoga

So I'm flipping through my town's fall recreation brochure thinking that I might like to take a class and for some reason I found myself reading all the course descriptions on the yoga page.

"Yoga is a practice that gently stretches and strengthens the body to increase health. The integration of asanas or postures, with breathing and relaxation techniques promotes flexibility, balance, and energy. Discover how to revitalize your life while learning stress management skills."

Out of the blue I find myself wanting to take a yoga class just to do something out of the ordinary that might actually be enjoyable. The problem is somewhere along the way my ultra-conservative Baptist upbringing programmed me to think yoga is evil. I know that yoga originated in Eastern Indian cultures and my Sunday School teachers were just trying to keep me from converting to Hinduism, but is the "yoga" taught in one's local community rec center really about worshipping the sun or becoming one with the universe?

Hmmm...what to do? Has anyone out there taken a community yoga class? Any opinions? I promise if I take the class I will chronicle my experience as a beginning yoga-ist.

posted by Tammy @ 9:17 PM Comments: 9

Retreat Day

I took a retreat day today...a day to step back from all the craziness and spend some extended time with God. I spent the morning at home reading and journaling and then headed off to my favorite Panera and spent a couple hours trying to do some big-picture vision casting.

The day was great but I have to admit it was hard to take. We have so much going on right now...my entire staff is a little stressed out and overwhelmed. I felt quite guilty stepping away when I know the details and tasks are mounting up pretty high. But I had to.

Many times I need a retreat day to recharge my soul...but that's not what made me stick to it this time. You see, life is so crazy on our church staff and I want our team to make sure we take time for the most important things so I've asked everyone to set aside one work day a month (or at least half a work day) to retreat...spend some extra time with God...try to get a big picture view. They all think it is a great idea. They all know it is important. They all want to do it. Trouble is...they all keep skipping their designated days.

Now I'm not writing this to scold them (so, team, please don't start a mutiny). I totally understand the battle. Things get so busy that the thought of taking a day away seems impossible. But I am determined that we will be a team that seeks God before we work for Him and so I had to retreat today.

I started my day in the Word and God brought this familiar Scripture to the forefront: "So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do." Ephesians 5:15-17

That last sentence hit me. Don't act thoughtlessly. Try to understand what the Lord wants you to do. That's it. That's why we need these times to step away. We can get so busy in the doing that even if we are doing good things we are in danger of acting thoughtlessly. How do we know the things we are doing are really the things God wants us to do? There isn't time for everything. How do we know we are doing the most important things? Most often for me it is in the quietness of time with Him that I can discern His Spirit speaking. I don't want to be busy. I want to be doing what the Lord wants me to do.

So that's how I spent my morning...I spent it asking God, "What is it you want me to do?" And then I listened. And He impressed 4 things on my heart that I need to be paying attention to right now. At least for this moment, I feel like I have some sense of what I am to do...and what I am to let go of.

So I'll keep setting the monthly calendars out on the table at every team meeting and asking everyone to sign up for a day. This time I put all of their retreat days into my personal calendar so they will get a wonderful, encouraging reminder e-mail. :) I just don't want my team to miss out on hearing from God.

posted by Tammy @ 9:34 PM Comments: 2

Heaven

"We are always moving towards unimaginable happiness though as yet we see only a shadow of good things to come, not the very image of the things." --Amy Carmichael

Amy Carmichael is one of my heroes. She's been gone from this earth for over 50 years and her writings are definitely not bestsellers, but she has discipled me from the past for about 7 years now. I took a walk in a local park tonight and brought along one of her books. As always, her thoughts led me to a bigger view.

Strange how even as Christians we often live our lives as if heaven isn't a reality. Do we really get where we are going? Do our daily lives, thoughts, and attitudes point to the coming truth? I wonder how much would change if we had a firmer awareness of eternity.

posted by Tammy @ 8:47 PM Comments: 1

Pilsen

In less than two months we will be planting a church campus in the Pilsen neighborhood of downtown Chicago. This is our first venture into a cross-cultural church site and our first venture out of the suburbs into the city. It's a little scary and a ton exciting. This morning we woke up to something surprising...a story about this new church plant on the front page of the Chicago Tribune. Check this out if you have the time:

www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0508210341aug21,1,3362970.story?ctrack=1&cset=true

I think God is going to do some amazing things through these three co-workers in Pilsen. Twice I've had the chance to go down there and walk the streets of this Hispanic community watching these guys in action. There is something so genuine in the way they befriend local business owners and area residents. Last week they spent 3 hours every afternoon holding a free soccer clinic for neighborhood kids at the park that sits in the heart of Pilsen. I don't exactly know what it is but you get the sense that something is so right when you watch them in action.

I guess I hadn't really thought about there being any opposition to what they are doing until I read the article (I tend to be a little naive in that way). I know reporters always have to have the "opposing view" to make the story a little edgy, but it still struck me as sad and a bit strange that the Catholic Reverand would say that residents of Pilsen would be "truly annoyed" by their arrival. What? I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he wasn't as cranky as the reporter made him seem.

If you have a chance to read the article, I'd love to hear your thoughts. (And if anyone would like to volunteer in children's ministry in Pilsen for a little while I could probably hook you up with that too! :) )

posted by Tammy @ 10:43 PM Comments: 1

Phone Talking

I called my sister's house this afternoon. Andrew, my soon-to-be-10-year-old nephew, answered and we talked about school starting next week, who his new teacher would be, and what friends were in his new class. We'd only talked for a few minutes when I began to hear the pleading in the background. Joseph, the 3-year-old, had discovered that Andrew was talking on the phone and began an incessant repetition of, "I want to talk, I want to talk..." Despite being the most relational 10-year-old boy I know, Andrew is not much for phone-talking so he was quick to respond to Joe's request. This is how the conversation went...

Joe: Hello.

Me: Hi Joe! How are you?

Joe: Good.

Me: What are you doing?

Joe: Watching TV.

Me: What show are you watching?

Joe: Mklkjfndnodrei (some answer I couldn't make out)

Me: Ohhhh.... (as if I had any clue what he just said)

Joe: What is your name?

It was at this point in the conversation that I realized Joe had no idea who he was talking to. I introduced myself and the conversation continued on to the usual topics (him wanting to know where I was, where I was going, and whether I was coming to his house). It ended when I asked to speak to his mom and was treated to a 3 minute run around his house while he yelled, "I have to find my mom," over and over again. He finally located her out on the front porch and we said our goodbyes.

I smile as I think about his earnest desire to talk to the person on the phone even though he had no idea who was on the other side. How great to have a heart that leaps at the chance to engage with another human being. I wish I could learn to love people like Joe does.

posted by Tammy @ 10:24 PM Comments: 2

Confused

Ever walk through one of those times when you can't make heads or tails out of what God is doing? Ever been so hungry for a word from Him but can't make out even a faint whisper? I've been finding myself in some of this confusion lately, and, frankly, I'm a little weary of it. This morning I was in a wrestling match with God. I pressed a little harder in my journal as I wrote out my complaint. And I walked away empty handed...no insight...no understanding.

Then I checked my e-mail. In my inbox I saw an unusual sight...an e-mail from one of my dearest friends. Monica has never quite gotten the hang of e-mail. She might possibly be the worst e-mailer I know. So a message from her in my inbox really got my attention. She wrote:

"Tammy,
Once again, God uses my lack of timing with email to be in perfect timing with His will. I listened to the song that you sent me this am..."

I have to admit, I was a little confused at this point. Song I had sent her? What was she talking about? It took me a minute to remember that I had in fact sent her a song...like 6 weeks ago. She went on to tell me about some tough stuff that had happened last night. The song "came" at a perfect time to speak to her hurting heart. She concluded:

"...your song was perfect and He used it to remind me that no matter what, I will still praise my Savior. Thank you dear friend for pointing me to Jesus.
i love you, Monica marie"

So this was my Word from God this morning. A song that I had sent 6 weeks ago to encourage a friend came back to me at just the right time. The words I had meant for another were meant for me too. For any of you who might find yourself walking through the murikiness right now, maybe these words will mean something to you as well (if you'd like me to send you the mp3 of the song, leave a comment with your e-mail address)...

posted by Tammy @ 8:30 PM Comments: 1

Miracle Skirt

I've been attending a conference at my church all week...Willow Creek's Leadership Summit (we're one of the churches that hosts the satellite broadcast). I've learned some good stuff and been reminded of some important stuff but overall I have to say the Summit hasn't been as good this year. But it will be memorable for the following reason.

So I'm out to lunch during one of the breaks with 7 other people. Some are co-workers and some are friends who attend my church. My dear friend Kerry sits down directly across from me as we file into the booth at the local Smokey Bones. It happened about 10 minutes after we ordered our food. Kerry is goofing around with her cup and the next thing I know there is a river of Diet Coke streaming across the table onto my lap. Kerry is horrified. I'm a little bit in shock. The guys in the group start yelling, "Do it back!" But then I just had to start laughing. Not the best experience to have sticky pop soaking in your brand new Ann Taylor Loft skirt and running down your legs, but I immediately recognize the value in the situation. I begin to wonder if Kerry's horrified look is because I am sitting in a puddle of her beverage or because she already realizes that now 7 other people will be telling this story about her and teasing her for the rest of her life (we are a very cruel society). These are the memories that make a friendship.

The amazing thing about it...by the time the meal ended I was still a bit damp but there was no sign of a stain on my skirt. So if you are looking for a cute off-white/lavender/light green skirt that can absorb 16 ounces of pop and still look great, let me make this recommendation.

posted by Tammy @ 7:47 PM Comments: 3

Risk

I have a small 5" by 7" picture that sits on my desk here at home in a black wooden frame. It is a picture of a sailboat making its way around several large ice formations as it navigates its way to the sea. The caption reads..."RISK: A ship in the harbor is safe...but that's not what ships were made for."

I first saw this picture at a friend's house in Springfield, Missouri. I can't remember the occasion that led to my roadtrip down there in the fall of 2001, but I remember wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to seek the advice of a dear friend and mentor, Lora Hobbs. A few weeks before I packed the car and headed to Missouri my world had been turned upside down. I was entering my 6th year in campus ministry at Eastern Illinois University when suddenly I sensed God was leading me to quit my job and move into a new, unknown future. It seemed crazy because I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to do it...but the call to "go" seemed so clear. I needed Lora's advice.

I don't remember the specifics of what she said to me during that weekend visit. I do remember they were words of encouragement and affirmation. But what I remember most is seeing that picture displayed on her piano. Risk. When I returned home I went in search of my own copy and the small frame has had a home on my desk ever since. I looked at it a lot during the 6 months that followed my Missouri visit. Those six months were the greatest time of uncertainty in my life but also the greatest time of adventure. I was living on the edge of faith with no idea where the story was going. And I was loving it.

So last night I'm sitting in the back corner of a Chili's with a friend who starts asking me some probing questions. Pretty soon the conversation takes us to some places in my life that I'm shrinking back from. I am confused as to what God is saying to me. I can't figure out His will or His ways. The confusion makes me want to ignore it or abandon it. But my friend says, "Maybe you are just supposed to jump in and risk it all and trust that you'll figure it out along the way."

It hits me as I drive home... I am simply afraid. I'm afraid of regret. I'm afraid of a future I can't see. I'm afraid of making a decision that will end up altering the course of my life for the worse.

But tonight I'm remembering what it was like to be dancing on the edge. It was so scary. But it was the time in my life when I felt most alive. Maybe that is because we really are made to be out on the open sea. Maybe the best place to be is not the safest place to be.

Jesus is very fond of faith. His heart was always moved by the person who trusted, who believed, who stepped out, who danced on the edge, who risked. I don't want to be docked in the harbor wondering what the big waves are like. God, give me the courage to raise the sails.

posted by Tammy @ 10:20 PM Comments: 3

NPR

For anyone who likes National Public Radio...

NPR did a story on multi-site churches that aired today during their 'All Things Considered' show. They featured my church, Community Christian Church, in the story. You can listen to the report by following this link:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4788676

Of course there are always some moments of "What? Where did they get that?" when you are listening to a reporter describe something you know so well. But overall I think they did a pretty good job with the piece.

posted by Tammy @ 11:30 PM Comments: 2

Lion/Beaver

Feeling a little icky tonight. Not physically (although I should be since I ate a bunch of red licorice while laying around on the couch watching Gilmore Girls)...but rather emotionally. I was journaling earlier and it didn't take long for God to bring to my mind something I needed to confess. It was one of those things that causes you to look back at a moment in your day and not like yourself very much. Let me explain the struggle.

See I have this job that I absolutely love but that carries a ton of responsibility and a huge span of oversight. The pace at which I work and have to make decisions is insane at times...it's like nothing I've ever experienced before in ministry. The programming, people, and products I am ultimately responsible for are widespread and never-ending. But I don't say that to make myself look important but rather to set the context for my weakness.

Have you ever taken one of those personality tests that compares you to an animal? Well, I'm a high lion/beaver which means that I love to lead and get things done and I want them done perfectly. Drop that personality into the job I have and BINGO! Instant recipe for an aggressive scary perfectionist woman who sometimes plows over people on the way to the finish line.

So today I'm in a conversation with a co-worker and can't understand why she is seeming somewhat uncomfortable and appears to want out of the encounter. What we were talking about really wasn't that important. But then it hits me tonight as I'm reflecting back on the day...I was so aggressive in that brief encounter and didn't even realize it. It wasn't an argument I was trying to win, I think I was just trying to make the point that I wanted to make in as direct and time-saving way as possible. I was simply addressing a minor issue...she was feeling under attack. Have I reached that point where I am no longer even aware of how I am coming across?

posted by Tammy @ 10:18 PM Comments: 9